Sunday, January 29, 2012

Muffin Tops

Don't get me wrong, I am ALL for women having curves. There is nothing attractive about a woman that looks like she is desperate for a good feed. But I think I speak for society when I say please have a look at yourself before you leave the house!

As a straight male, I have no problem whatsoever with midriff exposing clothes. But there is only a very small percentage of girls who can get away with it! If your combination of tight pants and small shirt result in exposed overhang, seriously reconsider your fashion choices.

The bottom line is: No, it's not attractive. And yes, people do point at you in disgust. Shockingly, you can look nice without revealing as much of your body to the world as possible. Amazing, I know! Try it!

Monday, December 19, 2011

Pets on Facebook

I'm shocked and appalled that people go to the trouble of creating Facebook accounts for their pets. What is the fucking point? Organising walkies? Cat-nip parties?

It's quite sad how people then tag their pet in photos and check ins. Even worse is when they sign in as their pet to make comments and status updates. If anyone ever sees me doing this, they have my permission to cover me in dog food and throw me to a pack of Dobermans.

Tuesday, December 13, 2011

Baby names

My previous post about baby updates on Facebook got me thinking about the stupid names that parents give their kids these days. So I have begun compiling a list of names that should never under any circumstances be allocated to a poor unsuspecting newborn.

So there is now a page on here completely dedicated to such names. If you can think of any that need to be on there, please let me know!

Saturday, December 3, 2011

Baby updates on Facebook

Your baby just rolled over. Wow, that is amazing. Honestly... who gives a fuck? So has every other baby in history. What's that, your baby just said the word 'Centrelink'? Congratulations, but is anyone surprised?

If I want to know the ins and outs of your babies life, I'll fucking add IT to Facebook. In fact, the creators of Facebook should create Babybook (or Facebaby?), and the sole purpose is for you to make a profile for your baby and everyone who wants to know when it shits, cries or sleeps can add it and share your maternal joy.

I totally understand how amazing and unreal the experience of creating life and bringing it into the world is. And Facebook is a great way to tell the world about that. But there are bloody limits! Share pics of your baby at special points in it's life, not every 30 fucking minutes.

I'm Facebook friends with you, not your kid. Once it's old enough to supply me with alcohol, then I'll hit the add button!

Thursday, September 1, 2011

Religious double standards

Walking into Charlestown Square tonight the first thing I was confronted with was, of all things, a Bible exhibition. Usually, Christian values are the last thing you'd expect to see there on a Thursday night. But yes, in the centre court for all to see and experience was a lovely display of God's work. Creation, miracles, the Rapture, it was all there. Along with the glazed over, blank faced peons handing out flyers.

But my problem is not with message of the bible. Well, it is, but I'll save that for something bigger than a blog. My problem is with the double standard that is applied to Christianity, and to other religions in some circumstances. But in suburban Australia, Christianity has one rule and everyone else has another.

Imagine on a Thursday night going to one of the biggest shopping centres in the state and seeing a Muslim exhibition. Well, outside of Lakemba anyway. There would be public uproar, protests, news coverage and riots. It would be shut down within hours. In fact, it would never even get the green light to go ahead.

Religion is a choice. If you choose to go to a church, synagogue, mosque or pub, that is your choice. When you go shopping and are faced with a billboard sprouting God's miracles and flyers being handed out saying the earth is 6000 years old that is clearly not your choice.

It's obvious that an Islamic group would not be allowed to do this, so there is no reason why a Christian group should be afforded this luxury. Regardless of whether the medium is right or wrong, it's definitely wrong to give one group of people an opportunity not afforded to another.

Tuesday, August 30, 2011

Graffiti vandalism

Simply, it would be more beneficial spraying paint into a bag and getting high off the fumes than using it for the incoherent, illegible, worthless tagging that is scrawled upon buildings, schools, buses and trains everywhere.

I really want to see awesome "gansta" names on the side of shopping centres. It really adds class to the place. You fucking idiots.

Tagging is not art. I will personally punch anyone who claims this repeatedly in the face. It is vandalism, and nothing else. Graffiti can however be art... if it's done appropriately, legally, in the right context and in the right place. There is a big difference between a social statement and someone's name on a park bench.

Anyone caught tagging should have "wanker" or a word to similar effect etched onto their foreheads. Would seem appropriate, wouldn't it?

Friday, May 6, 2011

Skinny Jeans

If you are male and wearing skinny jeans right now, I have one question for you: How long have you been gay for? Not that there is anything wrong with being of the homosexual ilk, but come on boys, you're sending out the wrong signals here!

Forget v-neck shirts and emo-bangs, nothing can turn a man from burly to girlie like a pair of skinny jeans. Where did allegedly straight men get the idea that wearing tight, arse hugging women's pants was a good look? Showing off your little chicken legs isn't too impressive.

I can't imagine that the whole thing is too kind to the reproductive system either. But that could be a good thing, because it's probably for the best that these "men" don't contribute offspring to interfere with the gene pool.

Give your balls a break and go buy some real pants!