Monday, December 19, 2011

Pets on Facebook

I'm shocked and appalled that people go to the trouble of creating Facebook accounts for their pets. What is the fucking point? Organising walkies? Cat-nip parties?

It's quite sad how people then tag their pet in photos and check ins. Even worse is when they sign in as their pet to make comments and status updates. If anyone ever sees me doing this, they have my permission to cover me in dog food and throw me to a pack of Dobermans.

Tuesday, December 13, 2011

Baby names

My previous post about baby updates on Facebook got me thinking about the stupid names that parents give their kids these days. So I have begun compiling a list of names that should never under any circumstances be allocated to a poor unsuspecting newborn.

So there is now a page on here completely dedicated to such names. If you can think of any that need to be on there, please let me know!

Saturday, December 3, 2011

Baby updates on Facebook

Your baby just rolled over. Wow, that is amazing. Honestly... who gives a fuck? So has every other baby in history. What's that, your baby just said the word 'Centrelink'? Congratulations, but is anyone surprised?

If I want to know the ins and outs of your babies life, I'll fucking add IT to Facebook. In fact, the creators of Facebook should create Babybook (or Facebaby?), and the sole purpose is for you to make a profile for your baby and everyone who wants to know when it shits, cries or sleeps can add it and share your maternal joy.

I totally understand how amazing and unreal the experience of creating life and bringing it into the world is. And Facebook is a great way to tell the world about that. But there are bloody limits! Share pics of your baby at special points in it's life, not every 30 fucking minutes.

I'm Facebook friends with you, not your kid. Once it's old enough to supply me with alcohol, then I'll hit the add button!

Thursday, September 1, 2011

Religious double standards

Walking into Charlestown Square tonight the first thing I was confronted with was, of all things, a Bible exhibition. Usually, Christian values are the last thing you'd expect to see there on a Thursday night. But yes, in the centre court for all to see and experience was a lovely display of God's work. Creation, miracles, the Rapture, it was all there. Along with the glazed over, blank faced peons handing out flyers.

But my problem is not with message of the bible. Well, it is, but I'll save that for something bigger than a blog. My problem is with the double standard that is applied to Christianity, and to other religions in some circumstances. But in suburban Australia, Christianity has one rule and everyone else has another.

Imagine on a Thursday night going to one of the biggest shopping centres in the state and seeing a Muslim exhibition. Well, outside of Lakemba anyway. There would be public uproar, protests, news coverage and riots. It would be shut down within hours. In fact, it would never even get the green light to go ahead.

Religion is a choice. If you choose to go to a church, synagogue, mosque or pub, that is your choice. When you go shopping and are faced with a billboard sprouting God's miracles and flyers being handed out saying the earth is 6000 years old that is clearly not your choice.

It's obvious that an Islamic group would not be allowed to do this, so there is no reason why a Christian group should be afforded this luxury. Regardless of whether the medium is right or wrong, it's definitely wrong to give one group of people an opportunity not afforded to another.

Tuesday, August 30, 2011

Graffiti vandalism

Simply, it would be more beneficial spraying paint into a bag and getting high off the fumes than using it for the incoherent, illegible, worthless tagging that is scrawled upon buildings, schools, buses and trains everywhere.

I really want to see awesome "gansta" names on the side of shopping centres. It really adds class to the place. You fucking idiots.

Tagging is not art. I will personally punch anyone who claims this repeatedly in the face. It is vandalism, and nothing else. Graffiti can however be art... if it's done appropriately, legally, in the right context and in the right place. There is a big difference between a social statement and someone's name on a park bench.

Anyone caught tagging should have "wanker" or a word to similar effect etched onto their foreheads. Would seem appropriate, wouldn't it?

Friday, May 6, 2011

Skinny Jeans

If you are male and wearing skinny jeans right now, I have one question for you: How long have you been gay for? Not that there is anything wrong with being of the homosexual ilk, but come on boys, you're sending out the wrong signals here!

Forget v-neck shirts and emo-bangs, nothing can turn a man from burly to girlie like a pair of skinny jeans. Where did allegedly straight men get the idea that wearing tight, arse hugging women's pants was a good look? Showing off your little chicken legs isn't too impressive.

I can't imagine that the whole thing is too kind to the reproductive system either. But that could be a good thing, because it's probably for the best that these "men" don't contribute offspring to interfere with the gene pool.

Give your balls a break and go buy some real pants!

Going barefoot in public

I don't see anyone who walks around barefoot in public as a functioning member of society. People who do this are no more than lazy disease spreading derelicts and need a good slap around the head. It is dead-set one of the worst habits I can think of.

I'm cool with walking around the house without shoes, and we all know wearing shoes at the beach is pretty much un-Australian (mainly because it's fucking near impossible). But I see people every single day walking down the street, buying food and even in full on shopping centres barefoot!

How can you possibly walk out of your house and not even fathom covering you feet? If ancient civilisations that were scared of the fucking moon can figure out covering your feet is a good thing, surely Shazza from Glendale should too.

Think of how much shit (literally and metaphorically) must be on the ground, that these dirty bastards are stomping in and carrying along. And then subsequently taking it into friends homes. Shit, I don't think I will walk around my own place shoe-less now...

How hard is it to go to Go-Lo and buy a $2 pair of thongs? Have some fucking respect for your health and for others. Or I'll put on my steel-capped boots and forget to watch my step...

Tuesday, April 19, 2011

Ear Spacers

Congratulations, you have just ruined what little chance you actually had of getting a decent job. And no, head burger flipper at Hungry Jacks is not a decent job. First impressions last, so what respectable business would want it's potential clients walking away in disgust never to return again after being catered to by disfigured weirdo? None.

Imagine being represented in court by a someone with fucked up ear lobes. Ludicrous! 5 years of University won't stop the world seeing them for the bottom feeding rat bag they are.

What could possibly possess someone to mutilate their body in such a way? It serves no purpose whatsoever and looks terrible. The only positive thing about them is that they allow people to easily recognise the lowest rung of society.

I instantly lose respect for anybody with ear spacers/stretchers the moment I see them. Show me one reputable person with these atrocities and I will give you $1000 cold hard cash money.

I will take great pleasure in 10 to 20 years at watching tossers with droopy ears lining up at Centrelink for the bi-weekly dole cheque because no one is stupid enough to give them a job.

Enjoy your permanent fail!

Monday, March 28, 2011

Bad spelling

How fucking hard is it?

We as Australians have grown up in an English speaking country and gone through 12 plus years of schooling, yet some people still manage "2 spel like dis all da tym".

Are people lazy or just plain stupid? Don't get me wrong, we all make mistakes every now and then and I am both happy to turn a blind eye to an obvious error and willing to admit that I make mistakes myself. But fuck me a simple review of Facebook statuses shows that spelling is completely thrown out the window but at least 80% of people.

I don't care one iota if Facebook and Twitter are just social networking tools. To me they are a direct representation of how you present yourself to the world. So if you want to be seen as a moron that has absolutely no grasp on your native tongue, go ahead. Personally, I don't mind taking an extra 4 seconds to be correct and concise to show that my knuckles aren't still dragging on the ground!

It's not just Facebook though. I've seen people at work send invoices to clients that a five year old would snigger at. Have some fucking professionalism! Proof reading may take 5 minutes out of your day but it could stop your business looking like a complete and utter joke!

Really, if you're old enough to use a computer, you should be able to spell. If you think abbreviating everything to the point that I need a translator is cool, you need a firm punch to the jaw. And if you're just lazy, do us all a favour and turn on spell check.

Now, don't even get me started on commas and full stops...

Tuesday, March 22, 2011

USB internet

My god, what a waste of time and money. Slow, unreliable, costly pieces of shit.

I may as well go back 56kbps dial-up. At least then I may stay connected to the internet for more than 10 minutes without it dropping out like a Queensland Year 10 student. Wouldn't be paying $40 for a shitty 3gb of downloads either, which by the way is about 2 Youtube clips!

Today it took me an hour just to get online, let alone actually loading a fucking page. The quicker I get broadband on here the better... and not just because I miss excessive amounts of porn!

Monday, March 21, 2011

Commission based jobs with low retainers

Never work in sales. Period.

"Uncapped earning potential" is such a crock of fucking shit. Sure, if you want to eat, breathe and fucking sleep at work, you *may* earn a decent wage. But if your a normal person, you'll still end up working 60 hours a week for three-fifths of fuck all.

Claiming that you have the ability to earn unlimited amounts is just an excuse for certain companies to pay you a petty base wage of 30 grand a year (before tax!).

I'd probably earn more working part-time at Maccas...